The Madonna/Whore Syndrome and the Double Standard
Photo by Sioux Robbins
newageoldsoul.blogspot.com
Smear them with your dirt, then curse them for being dirty.
That thought came to me one day while I was observing pigeons poking around for food curbside on a filthy city street. We smear them with our dirt and curse them for being dirty. As time went on I began to see all the ways society and the world does that to people for any given reason.
But the aspect I’m going to focus on in this post is the gender double standard among the cisgendered hetero crowd. I’m focusing on it because in the afterlife there is no double standard and all will be held accountable for using another human being simply for the purpose of sexual gratification.
Also in this blogpost I won’t be addressing the massive political movement to control women’s bodies and lives. This one is just a branch on that excruciatingly, slowly dying tree.
No respect for the one you are in carnal union with, deceitful head games to lure a person into thinking they are cared about so they will have sex with you. Society has led heterosexual men and still a surprising number women to believe that men can stick their genitalia in anyone they choose, except another guy, and be lauded for it or at least not vilified for it. But the woman who received said genitalia has suddenly become the scum of the earth for allowing this selfish opportunist into her body.
“Good” girls disdain sex and preserve their virginity. Only “Whores” enjoy sex. The Madonna/Whore Syndrome. You’re either one or the other, no in-between, no gray areas, unless the non-virgin is married.
In this day and age?!
Still?!
Meanwhile practically all of our entertainment, advertising, fashion trends, pop culture, you name it, are loaded with sex. Sex sells and we are bombarded with it almost everywhere we look. Historically its been mainly the exploitation of women but we’re seeing more full frontal nudity and sex between men in R rated movies and TV shows lately. It’s at least fairness. But it’s not a good thing to objectify any human body.
Pop culture has whole generations of women thinking they have power in sexual relationships with men, when in actuality the man is just getting his dick serviced, couldn’t care less about the woman beyond that, and will most likely brag to his friends or what ever man will listen, about his conquests. leading other men to view this woman as fair game for their selfish desires as well.
To me that screams loud and clear about hetero male low self esteem more than it does about some woman’s abysmal choice of a sex partner. “If she picked me she’d pick any guy…” Or from another man’s view. “If she chose him then I probably have a chance.” Well… maybe she mistakenly thought there was something more special about the guy she chose than there was about you. Maybe she’d shoot you down faster than a skeet champion and the guy she chose, for some unobvious reason to you, was more desirable to her than you.
Now that being said, I understand the hormonal challenges of being a testosterone or estrogen influenced human being. Men are wired to be emotionally detached from their sexual inclinations and testosterone makes them horny as hell. While women are more inclined to attach emotion to sex and women have sexual needs and get horny too.
It’s the whole Mars and Venus thing. So a woman could be in love or think she could be in love during sex while the man is just getting his dick serviced. Of course the man knows what to say and do to keep the woman in the position he wants her to be in. The deceit aspect only compounds his foray into a serious spiritual mistake.
FYI — this doesn’t carry over into the afterlife. A man who has crossed over that I have communicated with, is doing penance for using women as sex objects and not treating them like complete human beings who deserve the same respect as the men receive in this world.
One group of people can do a particular thing and its okay for them to do this thing, but if another group not of their ilk does the very same thing it’s a travesty, a shameful act, or quite obviously a threat to the first group’s delusions of specialness, their delusions of power, superiority, even the core of their identities.
As I said, once a person leaves the physical realm and leaves their body, all becomes equal, all are held accountable for their intentions and actions.
I once asked a man, quite the womanizer when he was living, why men can screw everything that breathes and be admired for it, but if a woman does the same she’s labeled a whore, condemned and ostracized. He made some lame excuse about the historical need to be sure of who the father of potential children might be. Even if the father ends up being nowhere to be found in said potential children’s lives.
He was the soul I talked to who was doing penance in his afterlife for using and objectifying other human beings for sex. We are all extensions of God, deserving of love, respect, and forgiveness no matter what situations we may find ourselves in. Whatever we do to our fellow human beings we also do to God. Fortunately for him, he believed in a forgiving God and he received the opportunity to correct his mistakes.
As women, we are always working to level the playing field but that old mindset isn’t dying fast enough. And the rules aren’t exactly clear beyond a certain point.
Someone I used to work with said she slept with her husband on their first date. Now we know, she didn’t hold a gun to his head and say, you better marry me, and clearly he was the type of guy who wouldn’t think less of a woman for expressing her attraction to him so readily. These soulmates recognized each other right away and it was no problem.
She married the guy and nobody called her a whore. But she slept with him on their first date, love at first sight or not doesn’t that make her a whore? What if she was in love and he wasn’t? What if he was in love she wasn’t? Then she would’ve been labeled the whore, not her husband in either situation.
What are the rules for women anyway? I know there are books and dating coaches with all kinds of advice. Make him wait three dates, five dates, eight dates, two months, three months, play hard to get, make him pursue you, feign complete disinterest at first, and if he brings up sex in conversation too soon in the courtship change the subject immediately, and finally no sex before you’re married. But deep down women have sexual urges and needs as well. The whore label comes in when she makes those needs known to the person with a Madonna/Whore complex.
Amazingly to me being a woman, a man can put something as personal and important as his penis in a person he has absolutely no respect or caring for, have even less respect for that person afterwards, and yet feel good about himself, even proud because of his “conquest”. He projects all the shame and disgrace onto the woman who did the same damn thing he did.
Clearly yet another patriarchal, socio-political device to keep women in disadvantaged positions. In truth, the shame and disgrace were what he was holding in his heart all along. He is the beholder, the owner of the shame and disgrace. As would be anyone inclined to pass the same judgment on the woman. The shame and disgrace is all theirs. Have fun wallowing in it while imagining it belongs to the other person. What’s the quote about drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die?
Here’s the thing. When a person, man, woman or non gender specific, has sexual relations with another person for whom they feel no love, no caring or affection, and especially no respect, purely for selfish personal gratification, they are venturing into spiritually destructive territory. I shouldn’t even have to mention using the penis as a weapon in the case of rape. That’ll keep a soul earthbound for sure.
He, she, they, are the ones seeking gratification in the realm of no love, no respect, they are dipping their genitalia into the negative emotions, the muck, of the underworld. It becomes a blot on their souls to put it simply. Even worse if they do this while deceiving the other into believing there is genuine caring, affection and respect involved.
Aside from the dual purposes our genitalia have been given, the purpose of pleasure and sensual congress with another is intended to be a thing of great beauty involving love, involving caring and respect. A physically and spiritually fulfilling union of two souls. If polyamory involves true heartfelt love the same intent would apply.
If you would like to live your life with the intent of keeping your soul on the path of enlightenment, never have sex with someone you don’t care about, love or respect. Even when your are by yourself, you should love yourself while gratifying. Go deep inside, love and nurture yourself while engaging in self pleasure. You won’t go blind, you won’t go crazy or go to hell. You’ll feel beautiful and loved.
Two books I recommend:
Healing Love Through the Tao, Cultivating Female Sexual Energy
Healing Love Through the Tao, Cultivating Male Sexual Energy
By Mantak Chia and Maneewan Chia.
You could call them tantric sex manuals. You don’t have to do absolutely everything the books explain. Follow the guidelines, exercises and meditations that make sense to you for whatever equipment you have down there regardless of what your sexual identification is, and read both books if you so wish. They will not only illuminate and strengthen your connection to your higher self, they’ll make you a more understanding and better lover not just for yourself but also for your partner. It’s not all about running for the finish line and achieving orgasm. You can have beneficial spiritual growth during sex.
As for the Madonna/Whore double standard…
It’s long past time for it to die.
