Suicide and The Afterlife-2nd Edition.
newageoldsoul.blogspot.com
If you are one of the three to ten people who read my blog, you might know that I have a tendency to attract lost souls, as in ghosts, paranormal etc., and I’ve learned to help them find their way into the light and move on. I’ve posted this article before and then realized it needed some changes.
A number of suicides have been coming to me for help crossing over. One stuck in my mind, mainly because when I saw him he was sitting in the chair in front of my alter which no one does but me. I saw the back of his head first, then he slowly turned and I saw that he had absolutely no face at all but instead, in the area on the same plane as his ears, a stony tan color with crags and crevices, a rather granular, uneven surface. His first comment was, she’s not afraid of me. And I wasn’t.
He’d blown his face off, probably with a shotgun placed under the chin, but it was so long ago, the image of the flesh had changed. I felt sadness from him, and I felt his surprise that I wasn’t scared of him. I sensed no danger from him, only the sadness and quiet supplication. This was a human being. An extension of God, just as myself. And as I always receive these souls with kindness and compassion, I let him know that he would get his old face back, good as new and his suffering would soon be over.
So many suicides in this world. The news outlets always have a story about someone’s suicide and suicides have increased overall in recent decades. Two thirds of all gun related deaths are suicides. The world can be a miserable and hurtful place, we all know that.
I’ve had times in my life, many years ago, when I was still drinking quite heavily, where depression became overwhelming and the idea crossed my mind more than once. I thought it might be a way to ease the extreme emotional pain I was feeling, not realizing that the alcohol I was drinking to alleviate my pain was only, ultimately making it worse. So when I hear of someone wrestling with this demon. I get it.
The problem is that it’s not our place to take our own lives. That’s because this existence… this I am, that we are… is, beyond a certain point, very much not under our control. We don’t get to make the big rules. We can certainly convince ourselves that the rules we have made for ourselves are all the rules involved in a life. But the will of God and the absolute truth will always bear out in the end. Whether we are aware of it or not.
Free will gives us the freedom to do whatever we wish in this life, but free will has no bias towards right or wrong. If life becomes unbearably painful or sad or both, our challenge is to learn something from the situation, and learn, feel, and think something new about ourselves, and then grow. Grow through it. Grow out of it. Grow beyond it. Change.
When we are born into this world, our life has many possibilities and outcomes. Very few aspects of it are set in stone. There may be a few predetermined destinies but there are many paths to follow, or carve out to one end or another. Not all of them are the best way to go.
I think of extreme emotional pain as a kind of earth borer. You know, those gigantic construction vehicles used in mining, tunnel excavation and other large scale commercial/industrial pursuits. It digs deeper and harder into your soul than anything that had ever gone before. And while it’s happening, it’s more pain than you have ever known in your life. You might wish you were dead. Your mind might be reeling, unable to focus clearly or think rationally. Your insides might feel like hamburger.
But when you’ve finally outgrown the pain, however long it takes, could be years, maybe decades… because we do tend to hold onto our traumas… that depth remains. When the pain, the grief, the trauma, subsides, you are now quite aware of just how deep you go. Sure, tragedy, pain and trauma caused the depth, but when all that is healed, and the life of your heart and mind begins anew, you realize you have become this newly expanded being.
The knowing. The experience. What you now know about yourself, that you didn’t know before, is something you wouldn’t have known had it not been for the difficulty and the effort it took to work through the pain or the trauma. I’m not saying emotional trauma is something to be invited or pursued for spiritual growth. But sometimes in life it is entirely unavoidable.
You have got to trust that your dark night of the soul will have a sunrise that will illuminate the way out. You have to trust there will be a way out of your depression and ask the universe, God, who or whatever higher power you want to believe in… and I truly hope you do believe in one because you will create your eternity… Ask: Who am I without this depression? Desire to know your true self without all the pain you’ve come to associate with who you are as a person.
If you look into the depths of who you are and still feel pain, though somewhat less than your last visit to your pain/depths, just know that it hasn’t healed yet. You still have some healing and learning to do. Keep seeking the healing. Keep seeking the knowledge of self. Ask for help, get into therapy, religion, art, music, physical exercise, or all of the above, keep at it and know that the pain, the depression, will never be bigger than you.
You being the extension of God that you are. Please know that I am not saying that you are God. Just as the leaves are the extension of the tree that is how we are all extensions of God. Insert reincarnation metaphor here…
This is another way to look at your emotional pain. This is a better way than giving up and trying to take yourself out of the game. Face it like a knot to be unraveled or a puzzle of many pieces to be de-assembled. Face it like any complex problem to be solved, one step or piece at a time. Stop trying to avoid dealing with the pain that has been chasing you down the block like a vicious dog escaped from its yard.
Sure it’s unpleasant. But aren’t unpleasant events what caused the pain in the first place? Booze and drugs may make you feel separated from it for a while but they are a temporary relief with a very nasty back end. You’ve survived the worst of it, that point in time was as bad as things were going to get and it is now in the past. You may as well go the distance and see it through to the steps you have to take to get to the end of the pain. Not to the end of you.
You see… that’s the big karmic gotcha of it all. You couldn’t take yourself out of the game no matter what you did or believed. You are an eternal being and your eternity is what you decide it will be for you. You can step off of the cruise ship at some port in the middle of the worst day in your life, but you will then have to play the game that is part of existence at that particular port. Like, wandering the earth stuck in the heavy, negative emotions of that worst day in your life that drove you to commit suicide in the first place. When all along you were hoping your crummy, misguided decision would relieve you of them. Gotcha!
Karma is like that, so is Law of Attraction. Two really big rules we can’t change.
Committing suicide to alleviate emotional pain is the equivalent of stabbing yourself in an already existing wound to make the hurt go away. You’ve only compounded the damage and added a new wound that is much, much, much deeper and worse than the original.
Listen to me when I say this.
You Will Never, Not Be
I’ll say it again.
You. Will. Never. Not Be.
YOU ARE AN ETERNAL BEING
You can’t make the pain go away by making yourself go away! You can’t make yourself go away! The Universe doesn’t work like that. It’s another one of those aforementioned big rules that we don’t get to make. You will have to exist with the consequences and ripple effects of your emotions, actions and beliefs. That is, until you genuinely desire to go home.
There are constants in this entirety of existence, seen and unseen, material and spiritual. God, home, heaven, nirvana, whatever you want to call it, is the original constant. You can always go there no matter what you’ve done in life. If you believe you can, if you know that’s where you want to be, that’s all it takes.
Not unlike Dorothy clicking her sparkly red shoes together, believe it with all your heart. I know it sounds pollyanna and overly simplified but it’s true. Desire to be with God from the deepest, truest place in your being. That’s the seat of your personal power. And when it’s all said and done, when your life ends, at it’s natural designated point in time, there you will find yourself. You just have to weather the storms.
The road I took out of depression was a spiritual path, with the additional help of therapy and antidepressants, because I viewed my depression as a soul based illness which it most definitely is. The Abraham/Hicks teachings tell us that depression is the result of denying and /or blocking an aspect of your being that came to this earth to express itself. I was denying and blocking some very important parts of my being because that’s what I was taught being an adult required of me.
Being an adult does not mean everything you’ve ever loved to do or be has to come to an end. Being an adult does not mean the end of childhood and the beginning of mundane work-a-day, plug into the Matrix misery. It took me a while to figure this out. And I still, to this day, wrestle with the residues of my early indoctrination of ignoring my inner self and its deepest desires and passions in this world. Although it’s nowhere near as bad as it once was.
A quote by William Gibson comes to mind. “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self- esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” I would reword that quote: “Before you decide to commit suicide, make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” Isn’t it usually the people around us who inadvertently teach us how to treat ourselves? Start by treating yourself like someone who’s worth and value to humanity is immeasurable, because you are and it is.
You can’t make yourself go away but you can screw yourself up on the spiritual plane for a very, very, very long time. Choose a better eternity for yourself. Ask for help from a mental health professional. Believe you can change. Face your demons and learn to fight them in more effective ways. Learn new coping skills. Stop drinking and or drugging. Get into therapy. Do what it takes. Your life has meaning and purpose even if you can’t see what that meaning or purpose is right now.
One day you’ll look back and say to yourself; Wow that was a rough time. I’m glad it’s over. I love who I have become and I love where my life is going. One day you’ll look back and see just how deep you go and how far you have come. And you will be pleased with yourself. Trust me.
